My brain says no but my pants say off.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
