I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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