Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Randomize
