so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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