You can't special order awesome
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
