Im at strip club and am horny
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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