also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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