There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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