I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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