dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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