yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
