it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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