I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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