Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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