okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
