We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
