Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
