beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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