she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
