Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
