while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
