I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
