I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
