I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
