Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
