Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
