Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
