You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
