I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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