My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
