I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
