you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
