i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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