You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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