I want to have your abortion
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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