are you still at the devil's house?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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