I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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