im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
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I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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