I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
