Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
bring money and cleavage
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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