WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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