That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
