i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
