Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
