Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
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I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.