You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.