i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision