Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...