My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
