He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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