around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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