I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
