I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
