This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
