when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
