You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
