You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
