maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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