this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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