She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
