Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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