Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
