do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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