Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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