They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
