so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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