I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
