Will you blow on my dice?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
